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Back to the basics, back to me.

I had a realization today. I let what happened last semester define me to the point where I lost myself which lead to me really disliking myself. God help my poor boyfriend that had to put up with that (although I tried to keep the vocal self-hate to a minimum for him).

Last semester totally sucked and I had to whip out the nasty Taylor because I was being repeatedly attacked and backstabbed by my roommate. So awesome, whatever, it’s over. I need to let that shit go and I think I’m finally ready to do it. I was going through some little notes that my fellow RAs wrote me at the beginning of the year and they really reminded me of who I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to be this sweet, friendly, loving girl that couldn’t be happier to sit and color and watch Disney movies all day with friends.

Because of last semester, I totally shut myself off. I decided I couldn’t trust anyone except my boyfriend, his roommate, and my closest girl friend. Everyone was suddenly against me in my head, even the people who had been by my side through everything. So to everyone that I have closed out, I am so sorry and I’m totally working on it (I texted two wonderful people today that I had had minimal contact with this semester).

For the first time in a long time I feel really really good and I feel absolutely like myself. I wish it hadn’t taken this long for me to get to this point but I think after everything I went through, I deserved some time to settle down and figure stuff out. I feel like this major weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I feel elated. I have some work ahead of me still but now that I feel like I’m back to being myself I think things will work much more smoothly.

So to summarize, things are looking up and I’ve finally gotten to the point where the things that happened last semester aren’t affecting me as much. I feel good.

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